I am now writing the book of Piotr and Vanja. Two guys living in the Ukraine, they meet, they fall in love, they become a couple. They experiance love, the normal day experiances together, war, hate, abuse, violance, unacceptence from the society surrounding them and strong resistance. But they also meet the wonders of life.
In my writing I wish to examine the price you /they have to pay for living a life that they want from their hearts. If you have titles I can read on this subject please let me know. Titles that can inspire and lead me in a direction. I want to create a fictionstory (and not a documentary) based upon realityexperiances.
I am now in a time with research that I hope will give me material to give the story credibility based on true stories. I am searching and connecting. Looking and finding. Creating and doubts. Changing and undoing. You writers know what I´m talking about.
Did you know that when dragonflies make love they create a heart. That I find very beautiful and magical. It must mean something I don´t know what.
I have a very special relationship to dragonflies. When I was a very young boy I visited my grandparents. Where they lived there was, very near, a dangerous place for children: a small creek. In the springtime it was not small for all the meltingwater and to make sure that grandmothers grandchildren didn´t go near the creek and the risk of falling down in the vater to drown she told us this story: “By the creek lives the dragonfly. If you come near them thay can, they WILL sew up your eyes and ears!” Do you that we ever went down to the creek? Nono. I didn´t. I grow a fear for dragonflies. I got a phobia of dragonflies that is still, after more then fifty years, alive and active. I have tried to cure it. Once walking in the swedish mountains (fjällen) me and my wife was sitting in the heat of the sun on a hill when, suddenly, a dragonfly, decides to sit on my toe om+n my knee-boot. I decide to sit and wait for it to leave. I think this is my chance for cure. But. My heartfrequency begins to speed. My body begins to sweat. I am in total despair and I run away over the hill, away from the dangerous DRAGONFLY.
Today I find them beeing very beautiful creatures in many many different formations, colors and places but I cannot be close to them. True but sad. Although I have one as a tatto on my shoulder as a sign for me to overcome my fears. I think it´s a great place to have it since I can not see it except in a mirror but I know all the time that it is there.
Today I recieved my copy of Naele Donald Walsch´s well recommended “Conversations with God”. A number of sites – “Buddhist Boot Camp” I remember – has it as a recommended book to read for it´s filiosophical and open uncomplicated nature (though there are some very complicated reasoning in this first chapter that I have read so far).
I want to share with you the parts and sentences that I underlined during the reading and that cought my interrest.
“The best prayer is never a pray to recieve somtething but a prayer of gratitude”
“…what you know is what is shown as your reality”
“you are given the choice to do what you want with your life”
“Every human thought and act comes from either a feeling of love or fear. There is no other human motivation…”
“There is no other meaning of life, which apply to you and all other living, and that is to experience complete bliss”
“Therefore, don´t try to find who you are, try instead to define who you want to be”
“…you can not experience yourself who you are before you know who you´re NOT”
“Don´t judge the karma path someone takes.. Don´t envy success, and don´t pity missfortune as you do not know what is success or failure in the soul’s final bill”
“Every circumstance is a gift and every experience is a hidden treasure”
“And remember that your biggest trial may be your biggest triumph”
“It is much easier to change what you do yourself than to change what somone else does”
“As long as you nourish the thought that there is something/somebody out-there “doing” things towards you, you deprive yourself the power of doing something about it”
“The way to diminish the the pain you attach to worldly experiences and events – you own and others – is to change the way you look at them”
“Something is only right or wrong because you say it is so. There is nothing right or wrong in it self”
“Feeling is the force that attracts. What you feel great fear of, that you will experience”
Today I have been thinking of this word. When I began I thought, in my lack of englishlanguageknowledge, that it was spelled Responsability. My spelllchecker corrected me, “RESPONSIBILITY my friend”. But, anyway. I didn’t want to let go of my first idea so I continue my mindwondering of the word: ability to respond, to give respons, to react. (If there us a better word for it that you anglo speaking would use I’ll be happy to learn).
Here I go. What it stands for? In my own respect and in the respect of others, my follow humans. The word it self. Responsi(a)bility. Ability to give and take respons. Respons to what? In my own respect, my ability to respond to my feelings, emotions, reactions, pressure, cravings, needs etc. To be able to notice these different sensations in my body, soul and mind and react in, for me, a positive way and without hurting anyone else.
In respect of others to give my sincere opinions with full respect to others and myself. To see that others reactions (on me) is a mirror of their self, as derived from from their lifehistory and Please dont confuse my own self and lay it up on me (it will be a heavy load to carry). My responsi(a)bility is to keep the others, negative, reactions out of me, not to infect my self with their short coming, anger, fears and lacks. To be fully responsible for our reactions is the only way for us to change anything. If the reaction is on something I did or someone else did doesnt matter. I can not change anyone else. All I can change is my self. To change the World, in small or in big, I must start with my self. I must always start with my self. My reactions, my behaviour, and this is the big big oppurtunity. How I react is a mirror of how I See the World. How I look at the World around me, if I see it in white or black. If I begin to se the World in another way it is the beginning of the change. I can change the World. I am an important part in it. The most important part really. In my life great tools are meditation, yoga and I practise selfcontrol, mindfulness and bodycontrol, breathing, awareness and mindfulness.
That’s all for today.
I know now that I have a Mountain to climb. It’s a very big, steep and high Mountain. Presently Im at the very start of this camino. It’s not Camino Frances, It’s not Camino Norte. It’s camino Cuerpo y Alma. Where Im now I walk along calm streams where I can dip my feet. In Woods of eacalyptus trees. Branches from unknown bushes swipe my face now and then. It’s Most uphill, not to steep yet, and flatland where I can see far along the path and a few downhill parts. Not always the easy parts as here I can stumble and fall. I will stumble and fall. I will need company. I will need to talk. I will need compassion. I will need water and rest. I can imagine whats on the other side, pass the top. At the end of this part of the camino. A serene place, camino, where I can rest. Where I can lay me down and rest. Lay me down in the fields of gold watching the sky, following the clouds as they move and change. I will have very steep parts. I will be in doubt if I will make it. Then I’ll sitt down. Reflecting. Watching the view, enjoying the wonderful landscape. Thinking over whats important. Carpe Diem my friends. Tomorrow may never come. Today is only today. Be greatful for every breath you take. Be greatful for opening your eyes beeing able to see. Be greatful for this day.