… suddenly, the meaning of life comes very clear
from a cloudy sky, the finger of God points at me
clears the sky
– a –
– revelation –
– (the truth) –
To have somone?
To be someone?
To need and to be needed?
The sun lightens the fields
You – I – We
… stands strong in the wind …
… the sudden strong afternoonwind is followed by an absolute still evening …
merely a fly…
until the moonrise….
. . .
What is my motivation for this? For writing? For blogging? For taking one day of sitting down, spending my time by the computer, pressing down the keys. Motivation? Well. Lately I have had a dip and it is natural. The dip came and I was prepared for it. It´s built into the lifecycle of the process. First the positive feeling of doing something new and important. After that the time when I use this first energy as a engine. It becomes a habit – an enjoyable habit. I watch the stat’s and in the beginning it’s inspiring, also new contacts is refreshing and inspiring. And then the decline. The dip. The drive declines. The power of procrastination gets stronger. The untiring work of the inner censor achieves the intended effect. But anyway – here I am – asking myself – what is my motivation? First of all the pure pleasure of writing. I know what happens when I write. Positive experiences. I remember times when I have had the flow and my mind swirls and spins round the words. It happens that I am satified and that is such a glorious feeling where I wanna be more. Second: it’s a world where I am in command. It all depends on me. Memories, fantasies, facts. It all comes from my mind and it’s a construction from my memories, fantasy and fact. Third: Solitude. Fourth: The dream tha one day I will get published – selfpublished or else. Fifth: The dream to write something outstanding. To find a great expression. A combo of words never seen before. Sixth: I hope to surprise myself when I write. Seventh: I have made an obligation, to myself. To fulfill that promise is crucial. I know that in the phase I’m in now all I need to do is sit down and write, write, write and the motivation will come. The inspiration will come. The words will drop like water from a well. What’s your strongest motivation?
Today is the second monday that I’m free spending my day writing. My goal is to write ten stories from my memories of Camino de Santiago from 2007 and four years on. I have the pictures and the diary to help me. My memory fills in the rest. I have decided not to stop myself but to write everything that comes to my mind (normal). I must not be my own censor now. Later I will do all the adjustments, deletions, additions, restructuring. It’s nice to have this goal. It’s nessecary. Essential. To me. I start the day with a long walk. That´s when my brain starts working. Ideas come and go. I begin writing at ten. Break for lunch. Stop writing at five pm. I need this structure otherwise I will begin to procrastinate. I also need to have a tidy desk. At this moment I’m not satisfied with the writingenvironment. But I am new in this and I know that I slowly will organize it. I don’t want to be disturbed so I have killed my phone and my internet (except when I need help with facts, synonyms etc). Inspiration comes when I write. It’s like unraveling a skein. First I don’t know where to begin. I’m searching for the beginning. When I finally find it it often goes well for a while but then it stops again (a yarn not). I force myself to take breaks doing things like coffee and a bisquit, looking out the window, food for the cat, listening to sounds from outside, take a walk. My brain wants change, variety and surprises. And I have this wonderful goal – publishing. Why is this important? Why can’t I just write for my self? For my own pleasure? Well it is my own pleasure too – of course. To have this goal gives writing a nerve. A motivation to do it well and good. I don’t know how I will do this or if it will be possible but I have begun to travel and I don’t know where the journey will end or wich road I will go. Terrifying and exciting.
I ask myself. I don´t write long posts and I am a little minimalistic as a person. When I took a course in musiccomposition my teacher asked me why I always wrote short pieces. All my exercises at the course ended up in short extracts of music. That was me at the time. I don´t take much space so to say. I am small. Silent. I have never had big things (like cars, houses, animals etc). I am lightweighted ( I was always the lightest in my class growing up) – so I have my story of smallness. But I demand a lot – of myself. I ask a lot of myself. Always to be better than I am at the specific moment. Dissatisfied with what I do, what I have done and what I will do. But I have learnt to accept it and be friends with that. More and more the older I become. So why write a Blog? Who do I think I am? Who will be interrested? Do I have anything to say? Is my life and my words from my mind and life interresting for anyone else? Well the answer is here – in me writing this blog. Why? Well I wanna write – really – and having a blog is a good reason for writing. A blog with nothing in it is quite dull – and I’m not dull. I can be quite fun at times (and not only when I’m drunk). Why? Teach me to take space and not censor my self is another reason. I read other blogs (what a wonderful world this is, thanks to the God of Blog) – and get inspired by what I read. I practice in spreading my words over a wide area of digital space and somewhere in that worddjungle someone somewhere may find something of interrest. The more I write the more likely it is that somthing in the text is interresting, challenging, threatening and many more -ning words to someone somewhere. In writing this text I was inspired by a blog I read just five minutes before I started writing. A blog with many word, sometimes to many in my taste, so I jumped over pieces of text to come forward. Thats a way of reading that I dont use much – but should/must. For who? I have no idea? I suppose other bloggers who are interrested in the written word could have a slight interrest in how I use the written word? The blogs I follow / read are about writing, text, sharing experiances. The blogworld is heavensent for me. I have been looking for a writingpurpose and here it is. And I am in great company – my blogcollegues. Thanks for your time, your interrest, your knowledge, you companionship, your followship. Thanks for beeing here and thanks for beeing. STOP
…began on Tuesday since I have Mondays FREE! I have begun my NEW LIFE. Free Monday’s gives me a three day long weekend. And. I have started to write on my book. About my life on the Camino. Spanning over four consecutive years of walking in Spain. Ten short stories from the inside. The Camino-inside and My-inside. Also from the outside: blisters, tense hamstrings, albergues, climbing, sun protection, etc. That’s my plan for this season. Follow me. Support me. Ask me. Tell me. /Sten
– I have a dream that I someday will write and publish a book
– I have a dream that I someday will be volunteer in a foreign country
– I have a dream that I someday will walk Camino de Santiago as a whole without a break
– I have a dream that I someday will be able to show my true self in every possible situation
– I have a dream that I someday will have peace of mind and be content with what life comes with
– I have a dream that I someday will stop judging
– I have a dream that I someday will not know where my self begins or ends
– I have a dream that I someday always will give without asking for anything in return
– I have a dream that I someday will give love without demand
– I have a dream that I someday will be part of a forcefull global stream of people making our earth to the heavenly place it is in it’s right to be
I’m adding a list of music I’ve listened to during 2012. No priority.
Album: White ladder Song: Please forgive me
Album: the Joni letters Song: River
Album: Half the perfect world Song: Once in a while
Album:Dart to the heart Song: There’s a bone in my ear
Album: Natural light Song: Too much stuff
Album: Poses Song: Cigarettes and chocolate milk
7:Aziza Mustafa Zadeh-
Album: Dance of fire
8: Return to forever-
Album: Hymn of the seventh galaxy Song: Captain señor mouse
Album: Sjung Song: Some die young
10: Ane Brun-
Album: Spending time with Morgan Song: Humming one of your songs
Some of the songs and artists are new acquaintances and still some are old friends. I have followed them from my early twenties and I wish music will continue to give me pleasure, memories and emotions many years ahead. Music and literature are my main inspiration.
They give inspiration and escapism. Energy, happiness and they offer a path to my emotional sources. Music and literature are two of my best friends.